Birthday Blog!

It's my nineteenth birthday and I figured that the occasion called for a long overdue blog entry. With the school year winding down I will finally be able to get some thoughts down and relax. I can't believe that my first year of college is almost over. We are in finals week, can you believe it? I'm starting to pack away all my things to bring home today and it's really a bittersweet feeling. Although I'm looking forward to having some time off, I'm going to miss everyone and all of the memories we made this year.

I woke up this morning after having an amazing night (and an amazing weekend) and realized just how happy I actually am. This is probably the happiest I have ever felt in my entire life. I'm in college which is a world of experience and opportunity, I have an amazing family and a great support system of friends, an incredible boyfriend, and I just can't help feeling like I'm on top of the world right now.

So thank you for all of the birthday wishes and making me feel so special and loved today! Now to take this philosophy final in half an hour...

The Bachelor

As of late, I had started watching ABC's telivision show "The Bachelor" with my roomate. Everytime I watch the show I become more and more disgusted by everything that occurs, as well as the entire concept of the show.

What is a program that enables one man to lead on and toy with the emotions of 20+ women, under the pretense of "finding true love," saying to the viewers? What is this saying to the American public? The youth of our nation eats up this type of drama; what is this saying to them? That it's possible to find true love in the the few weeks that a reality show takes place; where every moment of your life is scrutinized? That it's okay to play with other people's emotions? That superficiality is the way to win a man, instead of being the person who you really are?

This show isn't teaching about true love, but about unjust compromise. It's emitting the idea that it's okay to marry someone just because the season of a television show is over and not because you truly want to spend the rest of your life with them. What these people are finding on this show isn't "true love," they are just infatuated by the idea of love without ever truly experiencing it. They are deluding themselves and love is a game to them, where they are driven by the ambition to win.

This show belittles the sacred institution of marriage itself and makes it into a joke. And we wonder why so many people get divorced these days and why celebrities can't seem to stay married for merely a couple of weeks. Marriage is not a joke! Marriage is a serious commitment that should not be taken lightly or commercialized by a stupid reality show.

P.S. This weeks events on the show deeply troubled my roomate and emitted a strong, infuriated response as well...

A Change of... Art?

When I was a little kid, I would decide that I liked something based on how it piqued my interest. A book was good if it held my attention and music was worth listening to if it was fun to sing along to. Movies were great if they were entertaining and paintings were marvelous if they were colorful or just simply pretty. I don't know if it has anything to do with growing up or not but lately I've had a change of heart.

Ever since the beginning of senior year I've learned to appreciate art for more than its' face value. Maybe it's because I had finally started opening my mind and allowed myself to feel what the artists were trying to say... instead of just simply studying it. There is a monumental difference between studying what you are supposed to see with a cold analytical eye and embracing what you naturally feel as a response with your heart.

Now I've found that lately when I see a movie or read a book, it has to be more than simply entertaining. Sure, entertaining movies and books can be good; but not great. I've found that in order for me to classify something as "amazing" or "phenomenal" the piece of art has to make me feel something. It has to touch my soul in some way or affect me either emotionally or spiritually.

The book "Everything is Illuminated," movies like "Invictus" or "Gladiator" and the music from "The Phantom of the Opera" have all brought me to various emotional/spiritual heights. And that is what makes art so astronomically phenomenal. It makes us relate and can actually stagger us to the point of stillness. It stimulates us to genuinely contemplate and to feel something in a world that has become so violent and desensitized.

For a moment, art gives us a connection with its creator. When we read, or watch, or listen... we feel a little piece of what the artist felt and can see the spark of their passion. And at the core, that connection is the true nature of art. It's a piece of the artist; evidence that they were here, that they existed and felt and had a soul. Every time we read or watch or hear something that makes us feel... it's evidence that we are here feeling too and that our hearts are answering theirs. And every time we write or make music or draw something of our own... it creates the evidence that we were here, we felt something, and that we have a soul.

So I'm here, writing to you...

Reflections on 2009

2009. This has been quite a dynamic year, at least for me anyway. This was a year of transition: from the last half of our senior year in high school to the first semester of our freshman year in college. It really is unbelievable that so many things have happened this year. In Spring there were AP tests, track meets (at Yale!), prom, and most of us couldn't believe that high school was almost over already. Then there was graduation; where we said goodbye to high school, teachers, and most of the people we've spend the last 4+ years with.

The summer was one to remember. We couldn't wait to go to college, but still crammed in as much fun as possible before we had to leave. There were parties and get-togethers. I remember some beach days... and like 30 people in my living room playing Taboo. And then we went to college where we met a ton of new people, had different classes (some of them excruciatingly difficult!), and found ourselves in a whole new realm of possibility. We were free to do whatever we wanted... stay out all night, join a team or club, go out partying... and all of this without a curfew!

Reflecting on this year I realize that I've learned a lot. I've come a step closer to finding myself, what I want, and appreciating life. So I've compiled a bunch of random things I've learned in '09:
1) Not everything works out the way you might have planned.
2) It's okay to change your mind(Whether you realized that you don't actually want to be a doctor or that maybe a relationship isn't the right thing for you right now. It's ok)
3) All of the stupid HS drama has no significance in the real world.(In fact, you probably won't keep in touch with half of the people from HS)
4) If a guy acts like he's genuinely not interested... he's not interested. End of story.
5) Even if you find yourself in a bad situation, it's your responsibility to make it a learning situation so you don't make the same mistakes.
6) Actions really do speak louder than words. (Whether it's your roomates surprising you on your birthday, a friend taking care of you when you're sick, or your lab partner buying you a cupcake for helping him study until 4am ;)... it's true)
7) There is a fine line between "not being superficial" and "not trusting your instincts."
8) Sometimes a kiss is just a kiss... sometimes it means more than that.
9) Never let a minimum wage job dictate your life (especially if it's one where you sprain your wrist scooping ice-cream!)
10) Your roomates can become like a second family to you (picking up on eachothers phrases, cuddlycoos!, or wondering "Where's Karen?")
11) Just because you aren't "with" someone doesn't mean you don't still love them.
12) Your family really does miss you when you are away at college (mom makes all my favorite foods when I'm home... and the cat follows me everywhere)
13) Something you read in class might just change your outlook on life.
14) Lady Gaga is the best for study breaks!... and your RA (along with the guys across the hall) can hear you singing "The Sound of Music" during late hours of the night
15) This year was just the beginning of a new chapter of our lives...

Happy New Year everyone! I hope this year brings you amazing experiences, good health, and happiness.

Favorite Spot

Right now I'm sitting on the top floor of the library at Hofstra. It's always so quiet and peaceful up here with just a few people working silently, absorbed in their own thoughts. It's funny, I woke up just a couple of hours ago and now I'm watching the sunset from right beside the window. Where on earth did the day go?

It really is beautiful here. I can see a few different towns just from sitting in one place, not to mention the New York cityscape in the distance. The sky fades from a bright blue to a pale green, yellow, orange, and into a deep red. The sun is a burning fiery orange orb directly in the center, illuminating everything before its imminent descent in the sky. I can see the city with its buildings; grey silhouettes cloaked in that rich burgundy so close to the horizon. There are a few clouds in the sky that seem to fan out around the sun and the sun's warm light glints off of some of the buildings.

I can see the turnpike and as I watch all of the cars come and go, I wonder about the people within those vehicles. They look so tiny from here but each of those little figures is a person. A complex person with their own agenda, living their own life, and having their own family. Each of those people has their own hopes, and dreams, and worries. I just find it so amazing how many of us there are.

How often do we really take notice of things like this? How often do we see the value of one human life and the activities one goes through everyday? Do we ever wonder who else sat at that red light on the turnpike? What they were thinking as they sat there? What their day was like? What they have experienced in their life?

Just an interesting thought. The sun is disappearing beneath the skyline. Almost gone now. And it's gone in a matter of minutes. It shows just how fleeting and evanescent time can be. I'm glad I was able to sit here and enjoy some of it today.

Soul-Searching

So its almost 1 in the morning and I'm sitting in the lounge of my building. Have you ever gotten to the point where you're so tired that you can't fall asleep? Yeah,well that's about where I am right now. And I'm going to be so mad at myself tomorrow for staying up writing.

I can't help thinking about certain things right now I guess. I can't help noticing other people pairing up, or how everyone seems to be plotting strategies to get with another person. There are so many people here... not to mention very attractive people that I don't blame anyone for this behavior. It's really tempting. But I'm kind of working on one relationship right now. And that's the relationship I have with myself.

Before you enter a relationship with someone else it's important to have a good self-relationship. You should know who you are and what you want. I feel like college is the place where you are supposed to learn to be youself; and how can you do that if you are latched onto another person? College is the place where you learn self-respect and choose the people you want to be around, regardless of social cliques. And while you are soul-searching and discovering the person you want to be you also find out what you like and don't like in others. I guess it's just a matter of living life without some of the restraints of a relationship and learning to be comfortable in your own skin despite that you are not with someone else. I think that when you are happy with yourself, it's only then that you can be happy with another person.

The World Wide Web

Right now I really should be working on my bio lab report... but gosh I'm just so darn lazy =P. This is what college does to you I guess. But as I was procrastinating before I stereotypically went on facebook and just started browsing around. Then I started thinking: It's kind of scary how much someone can know about you from the Internet! Last week someone I know said that "Twitter is a stalker's paradise." And I mean, facebook and myspace can be too, can't they?

Think about it. All of these pages ask you to "personalize" your page and add information. Just by looking at one page you can know if a person is single, their sexual preference, where they go to school, where they are from, their activities, interests, music preference, favorite TV shows, favorite movies, favorite books, quotes, contact information,where they have worked, and what they are currently doing. That's a lot of information!!! You can basically know the basics about a person without ever speaking a word to them(given the information is valid. Sure, it's your choice to post or not post this information; but so many people do.

Not to mention that you can pretty much find anyone through networking. The person you are looking for is bound to be friends with someone who is a friend of a friend who knows that guy that they talked to once. It's kind of funny how people from elementary school that you never thought you'd talk to again just randomly friend request you on facebook or myspace.

It's just amazing how many things you can find on the Internet. Someone can research your house and see how much it's worth, information about your career, etc. Have you ever tried to google your own name? I know when I google mine I eventually come across a bunch of cross-country and track related links. It says where I went to high school, what races I ran during track, and what all of my times were for official races. I just find it really strange to think that all of that info is out there available to anyone who wants to see it.

So what information about you is floating around the Internet?