A Bit Restless

This morning I woke up at 7 o'clock on my own, realizing that I had paused the Phantom of the Opera (movie) last night and hadn't finished it. I guess I had tired myself out reciting the movie line for line =P. That pisses a lot of people off, including myself when other people do it, but when I'm alone I enjoy saying the lines aloud as I hear them... makes me feel special I guess; knowing it all by heart. So I ended up watching the last half of that brilliant movie, which usually leaves me in a fantastic mood... yet I didn't feel fantastic at all. In fact, I've been restless all morning. I even cleaned my room.. and my bathroom without anyone telling me to. And I HATE cleaning. Maybe it was just a way to get rid of some excess energy today. We had the day off from track and I was going to go for a run, but since my knee gave out yesterday that would be a bit painful.

So I spent most of the morning cleaning. Thinking about things... maybe too many things (not necessarily bad things). And the fact that I was actually cleaning sank in and I got a little annoyed. I finished anyway and then took a shower. I got out of the shower not too long ago and I feel a little better... I braided my hair so it's out of my face and I think the reduction of clutter in my room has eased my nerves a little. Have you ever been a little restless and not really known the reason for it? Well thats pretty much where I am now... hoping that writing here will bring a bit of sense to it all.

As of late I finished reading "Suzanne's Diary for Nicholas" by James Patterson for the second time. Reading it twice only helps to validate that it is one of the best books I've ever read. It just draws you into the story so much that you get emotionally attatched ( I cried both times I read it... and yes I AM a sap =P). But not only is the book good.. it also has meaning. By reading Suzanne's diary you see life through the eyes of a woman who faces many obstacles in life and you experience them with her. The diary is written for her son Nicholas, who is just as infant at the time, so he get to know his mother for the person she really is. What an idea huh? To write a journal of letters to the people you love... showing them the person you truly are and how much you care about them ^_-. A bit ironic.. You know, when I was a little girl I used to write letters; letters that I never sent or gave to anyone. I would write letters to friends, or boys I had a crush on =P, or people that I admired, and I'd keep them in a journal. I still have it somewhere. I remember once I gave one of them to my mom for mother's day. I was probably around 11 years old. The letter was pretty deep; it told her how much I appreciated her and that I loved having her as a mom... and I remember, to my surprise, she cried. Then she gave me a big hug. Amazing how the smallest things, like letting someone know how much they really mean to you, can make a difference.

The most important thing I took from that book was the concept of how lucky we all are. To be living the lives we do and to have the people we care about... and the ones that care about us. One of the most vital lessons was "live for today" not tomorrow, or the next day, or even a month or a year from now. You will never be the same way you are right now and the most important thing to do is be happy. Life is so precious.. why waste it by worrying too much about the future? Sieze the day! And when I finished reading that book I realized that it relates to my life... to everyone's life. Maybe it was even why I was so restless this morning. There's no sense in worrying about events that may occur in the future... and ignoring what is happening in the moment. People will do what makes them happy and what is important for them, and you find a way to accept that and do what makes you happy and what is best for you... whichever way things may turn out. Remember today and the happy moments you have. And what's a better way to remember than writing it all down.. so that you can look back on them.. and so can the people you love.

"It's not always where you end up, is it, that's the most important thing? It's the journey itself, and what you find, what you do along the way. Where we're going matters, but so does where we are."