What AP English 11 Has Done to Our Students

Starting Note: Through months of observation within the ninth period AP English class, the students have been studied and categoried merely for recreational purposes. I have made the discovery that the students have formed different groups and attitudes in response to how the curriculum is administered ... "Sorrentino Style." Anyone who has ever been in AP english 11 with him knows exactly what this teaching method includes. He we shall start the student analysis:

Type A: These are your typical suck-ups who try to get our very loud teacher's attention as much as they possibly can. They are under the false impression that he is an all-knowing god that will teach them all they need to know about the course. As much as he offhandly ignores them and even at times insults them, they still strive to be the teacher's pet... a rank which they shall never ascend to (as the rest of us know).

Type B: These students are the most common within the class. They are more commonly known as the "space cadets." They are normally very bright students, however for the agonizing 45 minutes where they are detained in this class, they can do nothing but zone out. For periods of time, in response to the monotone droning of a certain someone's voice, they are incapable of doing anything but stare into space. Their eyes glaze over and if you're lucky enough, you might see one drool (jk).

Type C: A large majority of the class consists of type C. This type is alert, on edge, and will bolt out of their seats and lurch for the door at 2:10 whether the bell has rang or not. They watch the clock incessantly, looking up every 2 minutes wondering why on earth they are here. They become angry, saying under their breath to other students how this is a complete waste of our time. They used to enjoy English and now they hate it. If you look at their faces you can almost read their minds... they're saying "please, get me the hell out of here!"

Type D: Now with this type we can observe our "artists." No, I don't mean your typical art majors who can make masterpieces with pencil and paper, although there are some. I'm talking about your average doodlers. By this point in the year they have drawn everything in the classroom at least once, including our much-loved teacher. In fact, he is the primary sketching target. A wide variety of work can been seen from this group, ranging from stick-figure cartoons to meticulously detailed sketches complete with proportional shading. The artists seek to amuse themselves by their own means because they're certainly not getting entertainment elsewhere in 9th period.

Type E: These people are known as the class slackers. They don't really do anything, including the miniscule amount of homework we recieve (well, actually very few do that). Some will actually participate in class, however they interject with irrelevant information. If you see one of these in class, consider it as an encounter that occurs once in a blue moon because it's that rare. Most of the time they don't feel the need to come to class so they don't show. I can't really blame them.

Type F: This group is one of my personal favorites. They are known as "the distracters." These students have the ability to distract our darling professor in any given circumstance. They can get the class discussion off-track for the entire period with just one sentence. These individuals have turned side-tracking into an art form; one which they have mastered. By continuously talking and adding in completely irrelevant topics little by little, they draw in the teacher like a moth to a flame, and occasionally he gets so immersed that he's blinded by the light. They plan the days' "delaying topics" periods in advance so that they'll be able to do something in class that doesn't involve English. In other words; they have taken bullshitting to a whole new level.

Type G: This is the group of "sleepers." Pretty self explanatory I think. They are similar to type B, except they take it a step further than. Instead of just dayrdreaming, they go the whole nine yards and full-out sleep. Ninth period is their designated nap-time and you can frequently witness them dozing off, zonking out, crashing, getting some shut-eye, catching some Zzz's... you get my point =P. So for 45 minutes they reside in a self-induced coma, which they immediately snap out of when the bell rings.

Type H: This is the final group I have observed so far. I call this group "the analyzers." These students frequently become so bored in class that in order to keep their sanity, they always find new ways to amuse themselves. Whether it be writing blogs in class, discussing the deep meanings of certain topics through notes with other students, or observing their fellow classmates, they always find entertainment somehow. They try to put their creativity to good use until they can leave the class. This is the type of person who will sit in class quietly, pretending to pay attention to the nonsense going on at the front of the room. You will see her scribbling away in her notebook, and it looks like she's actually doing work. Odds are she's probably not. She's just getting her thoughts out on paper. Yep, you guess it... the analyzer is Yours Truly ^_-.

-This analysis was created out of pure boredom.. I hope it amused you at least a little bit.. it was certainly interesting to write. If you think of any more types let me know =).