A Change of... Art?

When I was a little kid, I would decide that I liked something based on how it piqued my interest. A book was good if it held my attention and music was worth listening to if it was fun to sing along to. Movies were great if they were entertaining and paintings were marvelous if they were colorful or just simply pretty. I don't know if it has anything to do with growing up or not but lately I've had a change of heart.

Ever since the beginning of senior year I've learned to appreciate art for more than its' face value. Maybe it's because I had finally started opening my mind and allowed myself to feel what the artists were trying to say... instead of just simply studying it. There is a monumental difference between studying what you are supposed to see with a cold analytical eye and embracing what you naturally feel as a response with your heart.

Now I've found that lately when I see a movie or read a book, it has to be more than simply entertaining. Sure, entertaining movies and books can be good; but not great. I've found that in order for me to classify something as "amazing" or "phenomenal" the piece of art has to make me feel something. It has to touch my soul in some way or affect me either emotionally or spiritually.

The book "Everything is Illuminated," movies like "Invictus" or "Gladiator" and the music from "The Phantom of the Opera" have all brought me to various emotional/spiritual heights. And that is what makes art so astronomically phenomenal. It makes us relate and can actually stagger us to the point of stillness. It stimulates us to genuinely contemplate and to feel something in a world that has become so violent and desensitized.

For a moment, art gives us a connection with its creator. When we read, or watch, or listen... we feel a little piece of what the artist felt and can see the spark of their passion. And at the core, that connection is the true nature of art. It's a piece of the artist; evidence that they were here, that they existed and felt and had a soul. Every time we read or watch or hear something that makes us feel... it's evidence that we are here feeling too and that our hearts are answering theirs. And every time we write or make music or draw something of our own... it creates the evidence that we were here, we felt something, and that we have a soul.

So I'm here, writing to you...

Reflections on 2009

2009. This has been quite a dynamic year, at least for me anyway. This was a year of transition: from the last half of our senior year in high school to the first semester of our freshman year in college. It really is unbelievable that so many things have happened this year. In Spring there were AP tests, track meets (at Yale!), prom, and most of us couldn't believe that high school was almost over already. Then there was graduation; where we said goodbye to high school, teachers, and most of the people we've spend the last 4+ years with.

The summer was one to remember. We couldn't wait to go to college, but still crammed in as much fun as possible before we had to leave. There were parties and get-togethers. I remember some beach days... and like 30 people in my living room playing Taboo. And then we went to college where we met a ton of new people, had different classes (some of them excruciatingly difficult!), and found ourselves in a whole new realm of possibility. We were free to do whatever we wanted... stay out all night, join a team or club, go out partying... and all of this without a curfew!

Reflecting on this year I realize that I've learned a lot. I've come a step closer to finding myself, what I want, and appreciating life. So I've compiled a bunch of random things I've learned in '09:
1) Not everything works out the way you might have planned.
2) It's okay to change your mind(Whether you realized that you don't actually want to be a doctor or that maybe a relationship isn't the right thing for you right now. It's ok)
3) All of the stupid HS drama has no significance in the real world.(In fact, you probably won't keep in touch with half of the people from HS)
4) If a guy acts like he's genuinely not interested... he's not interested. End of story.
5) Even if you find yourself in a bad situation, it's your responsibility to make it a learning situation so you don't make the same mistakes.
6) Actions really do speak louder than words. (Whether it's your roomates surprising you on your birthday, a friend taking care of you when you're sick, or your lab partner buying you a cupcake for helping him study until 4am ;)... it's true)
7) There is a fine line between "not being superficial" and "not trusting your instincts."
8) Sometimes a kiss is just a kiss... sometimes it means more than that.
9) Never let a minimum wage job dictate your life (especially if it's one where you sprain your wrist scooping ice-cream!)
10) Your roomates can become like a second family to you (picking up on eachothers phrases, cuddlycoos!, or wondering "Where's Karen?")
11) Just because you aren't "with" someone doesn't mean you don't still love them.
12) Your family really does miss you when you are away at college (mom makes all my favorite foods when I'm home... and the cat follows me everywhere)
13) Something you read in class might just change your outlook on life.
14) Lady Gaga is the best for study breaks!... and your RA (along with the guys across the hall) can hear you singing "The Sound of Music" during late hours of the night
15) This year was just the beginning of a new chapter of our lives...

Happy New Year everyone! I hope this year brings you amazing experiences, good health, and happiness.

Favorite Spot

Right now I'm sitting on the top floor of the library at Hofstra. It's always so quiet and peaceful up here with just a few people working silently, absorbed in their own thoughts. It's funny, I woke up just a couple of hours ago and now I'm watching the sunset from right beside the window. Where on earth did the day go?

It really is beautiful here. I can see a few different towns just from sitting in one place, not to mention the New York cityscape in the distance. The sky fades from a bright blue to a pale green, yellow, orange, and into a deep red. The sun is a burning fiery orange orb directly in the center, illuminating everything before its imminent descent in the sky. I can see the city with its buildings; grey silhouettes cloaked in that rich burgundy so close to the horizon. There are a few clouds in the sky that seem to fan out around the sun and the sun's warm light glints off of some of the buildings.

I can see the turnpike and as I watch all of the cars come and go, I wonder about the people within those vehicles. They look so tiny from here but each of those little figures is a person. A complex person with their own agenda, living their own life, and having their own family. Each of those people has their own hopes, and dreams, and worries. I just find it so amazing how many of us there are.

How often do we really take notice of things like this? How often do we see the value of one human life and the activities one goes through everyday? Do we ever wonder who else sat at that red light on the turnpike? What they were thinking as they sat there? What their day was like? What they have experienced in their life?

Just an interesting thought. The sun is disappearing beneath the skyline. Almost gone now. And it's gone in a matter of minutes. It shows just how fleeting and evanescent time can be. I'm glad I was able to sit here and enjoy some of it today.

Soul-Searching

So its almost 1 in the morning and I'm sitting in the lounge of my building. Have you ever gotten to the point where you're so tired that you can't fall asleep? Yeah,well that's about where I am right now. And I'm going to be so mad at myself tomorrow for staying up writing.

I can't help thinking about certain things right now I guess. I can't help noticing other people pairing up, or how everyone seems to be plotting strategies to get with another person. There are so many people here... not to mention very attractive people that I don't blame anyone for this behavior. It's really tempting. But I'm kind of working on one relationship right now. And that's the relationship I have with myself.

Before you enter a relationship with someone else it's important to have a good self-relationship. You should know who you are and what you want. I feel like college is the place where you are supposed to learn to be youself; and how can you do that if you are latched onto another person? College is the place where you learn self-respect and choose the people you want to be around, regardless of social cliques. And while you are soul-searching and discovering the person you want to be you also find out what you like and don't like in others. I guess it's just a matter of living life without some of the restraints of a relationship and learning to be comfortable in your own skin despite that you are not with someone else. I think that when you are happy with yourself, it's only then that you can be happy with another person.

The World Wide Web

Right now I really should be working on my bio lab report... but gosh I'm just so darn lazy =P. This is what college does to you I guess. But as I was procrastinating before I stereotypically went on facebook and just started browsing around. Then I started thinking: It's kind of scary how much someone can know about you from the Internet! Last week someone I know said that "Twitter is a stalker's paradise." And I mean, facebook and myspace can be too, can't they?

Think about it. All of these pages ask you to "personalize" your page and add information. Just by looking at one page you can know if a person is single, their sexual preference, where they go to school, where they are from, their activities, interests, music preference, favorite TV shows, favorite movies, favorite books, quotes, contact information,where they have worked, and what they are currently doing. That's a lot of information!!! You can basically know the basics about a person without ever speaking a word to them(given the information is valid. Sure, it's your choice to post or not post this information; but so many people do.

Not to mention that you can pretty much find anyone through networking. The person you are looking for is bound to be friends with someone who is a friend of a friend who knows that guy that they talked to once. It's kind of funny how people from elementary school that you never thought you'd talk to again just randomly friend request you on facebook or myspace.

It's just amazing how many things you can find on the Internet. Someone can research your house and see how much it's worth, information about your career, etc. Have you ever tried to google your own name? I know when I google mine I eventually come across a bunch of cross-country and track related links. It says where I went to high school, what races I ran during track, and what all of my times were for official races. I just find it really strange to think that all of that info is out there available to anyone who wants to see it.

So what information about you is floating around the Internet?

Pop Culture (props to TB for inspiring me)

Pop culture is responsible for how disillusioned our society is. It is responsible for our warped way of looking at life and the world. And we are at fault for letting ourselves become so deluded by the notions pop-culture presents to us.

Pop culture is, at times, sickeningly optimistic and altogether unrealistic. Why? Because that's what the people want to see. They want adventure, perfection in looks, romance, and happy endings. Nobody wants to see anything as monotonous as "real life." Nobody wants to see average Joe Schmoe as the actor in the movie they are seeing.. they would prefer to see Gerard Butler or Megan Fox (if you are a guy reading this) or someone of equally dashing good looks. Heck, I'm guilty of it too.

But nobody wants to feel depressed by a sad ending, so even the sad endings have an "inspirational" theme. Pop culture, especially romantic comedy films, has turned into Disney for adults. Where the princess falls in love with the prince and they live happily ever after. And worst of all, pop culture has made us believe the possibility of this situation in our own lives. We are just foolish and hopeful enough to gobble this stuff up as fast as we can, like kids anxiously eating their Halloween candy. Its pleasurable at first, but eventually too much makes you feel sick to your stomach.

That's why our society is delusional. I don't meant to sound bitter or cynical, but it's true. From watching these films we obtain such high expectations and standards when it comes to the opposite sex. Usually the main characters of these movies have had some form of bad luck with romance in the past, and when they finally come across the person they will fall in love with, they "just know" that he or she is "the one."

So in turn we adopt this philosophy in our own lives. Just because a relationship seems so much better than other ones we have experienced we assume that this other person must be "the one." Therefore this famous "one" becomes a sort of mythical being. People constantly search for "the one" thinking about what they must be like, compiling checklists of the most sterling qualities they can think up, and in the end its like reading a resume when you date someone instead of seeing what the other person is actually like.

Furthermore, when it doesn't work out we are heartbroken. And the funny thing is... as heart-broken as we are, there is still that delusional hope that we will find that mystical "one," or some of us even continue to believe that the person who broke our hearts is still the "one" we are destined to be with. What ever happened to dating? To seeing what is out there before you make the leap into a relationship? How can people "just know" after a month or so of dating that this other person is the person that they want to spend the rest of their life with? Everything is centered around "fate" and "destiny" and perfect timing. Why?!

Why can't people take relationships for what they are? They are not the perfect, ideal, and altogether magical picture that pop culture paints and hands to us on a silver platter. Everything will not just fall into place. They have to be worked at, and sometimes even working on them wont fix it. Sometimes relationships work out, and sometimes they don't. Why must full grown adults be deluded by the possibility of a fairy-tale?

One Little Moment

Isn't it strange how one little moment can really make your day so much better? You can be having the most awful, stressful, horrible day and a chance event that takes just a couple of seconds can bring you such indescribable bliss that your entire day seems that much better.

I had one of those moments about fifteen minutes ago and it was what inspired this blog. I had been having an awful day. I had Biology lecture at nine o'clock this morning, followed by Chemistry. I've been having a really difficult time with Chemistry lately, so much that I was contemplating dropping out of the course mid-semester. I seriously considering it this morning when a friend of mine told me that in order to keep my scholarship there is a certain credit minimum that I wouldn't have if I dropped the class. The reason I want to drop chemistry in the first place is that it is lowering my GPA and I don't want to lose my scholarship.

After Chemistry I had an hour of Bio recitation. When the hour was up I decided that I just needed a few minutes to relax. So I walked across the academic side of campus until I came across this little courtyard with a field in the center of four lecture Halls. There were some people laying down in the middle of the field and I walked over to a secluded little spot beneath a tree. For those of you that go to Hofstra, it was the tree with the statue of the man reading beneath it. I sat on the side of the tree opposite of the statue and started working on a project.

However I got to thinking about things. I started to think about how as I was writing I must look like the mirror image of that famous statue and I also wondered how many students before me had sat under that very tree, probably thinking the same thing I was. I started wondering what they had been doing, what they were thinking, and what their lives could have been like. And yet, although their lives could have had no similarities to mine... I felt almost as though I was a part of something.

It was beautiful out. Sunny, warm, quiet and peaceful, with just a slight breeze that makes your hair tremble just a bit. Then the tiniest thing happened. As I was writing in my book, a lady bug landed on the sleeve of my shirt. It was so little and curious as it walked on my arm and eventually up to my hand. I just sat there and watched it. Ladybugs are said to be good luck, and maybe it was bringing me a little bit of luck during a pretty lousy day. Maybe it was the universe's way of saying "its okay, cheer up and smile a little." Then after a minute of too the lady bug spread its little wings and flew away into the breeze and went on with it's day.

Little moments like that make you appreciate how beautiful life can really be once you stop worrying about everything you need to get done or about how screwed you are for your next chemistry test. Little moments like that help you escape and to give you a sort of peace that you never imagined could happen from something so simple. I guess I was just very touched and inspired by my "little moment" today and just wanted to tell you this: If you are stressed and tired and having a miserable day that seems like it will never end, just set aside five or ten minutes for yourself. Breathe, relax, and just enjoy the moment and the peace of letting go for a second. You might have a special "little moment" too.