Here it goes...

Here I am. Another day... staring at another blank page on the computer screen. It's been a while since my last post and a lot of things have happened since then. It's November now and the time for applying to colleges has finally arrived and my last cross country season finally ended. But I don't want to talk about that in this post. I've noticed that I talk about a lot of things here. I talk about different concepts and events... but I rarely talk about me, who I really am, and what is truly bothering me. So here it goes. I guess you're finally getting a glimpse inside.

I just watched the movie "27 Dresses," which is yet another sappy romantic comedy. Ever since August this genre has made me feel either annoyed or a bit sad... but i can't really stop myself from watching them. I guess it's part of that whole ideal relationship that you wish you could have, where everything has it's happy ending and works out for the main character. What every girl wants, right? It's amazing how a movie or a song can make you feel that way.

People, generally speaking, are overcome with feelings. Feelings for everything we do in life; whether it is being worried about a test, happy for your two best friends getting together, ecstatic about becoming an aunt, or annoyed about how certain people act. Lately I've just had so much on my mind that I don't even know what to think anymore. I'm fed up with the whole college preparation crap. I'm tired of dealing with people in high school. I'm still in love with someone who is over a hundred miles away... and I miss him, but there's nothing I can do about it. And every time I feel this way I mentally chastise myself for it because I shouldn't be feeling that way. Part of me wants to move on and part of me wants something irrational. I have this little voice in the back of my head telling me to get over it already. I go out and have a good time with my friends. I'm starting to feel new things for certain people and I don't know how to act. I try not to be negative, but starting over is hard... especially when you're second guessing yourself and hoping that you won't be disappointed. I wish I was more tolerant with people and had more patience but I'm not and I don't. I feel like everytime something changes in my life or if I start enjoying myself I eventually get pulled right back into the same routine and the same mindset. I'm torn... but I am mending.