Are You With me Dr. Wu? *shrugs*

Well today has been interesting. I randomly woke up at 6 in the morning with horrible cramps and could fall back asleep for awhile... so I finished the book I had started reading yesterday. It was about this band geek or "BeeGee" who plays the flute and turns into a Siren (yes, the mythical kind) on her sixteenth birthday. The book was one of a genre called the Simon Pulse Romantic comedies. They are light, fun summer reads that always make you feel all warm and fuzzy inside when you finish them. They are kind of like... reading a chick flick versus watching one... except way better. My favorite one is about this girl drummer... but anywho. The book was good and it delayed my inevitable fate of having to read "A Confederacy of Dunces."

Besides dosing myself up with advil every few hours (the cost for being a girl *sigh*) I also clicked around on facebook for awhile, cleaned, and wrote a bit. When I was writing I realized how nice my cursive has gotten. My cursive really looked terrible when I started using it again... but now after a whole lot of practice it has been fine-tuned to this pretty, curly, elegant style. While I was on facebook before someone pointed out some new pictures.. and they were a bit disturbing. I just don't understand how people can just simply ignore a problem, averting their eyes and pretending that everything is fine. The problem is blatantly obvious... its visible, yet everyone keeps their mouth shut while things keep getting worse and worse. It makes me angry and it makes me want to take a step out of my "proper" place and say what everyone else should have said months ago. But then again... what do I know? That's how the people in question would see the situation.

I've been thinking a lot lately about what I want to do, career-wise, with my life. With looking at colleges I've started to narrow down what I want my major to be. First I went from radio broadcasting, to journalism, and then then those faded. I started thinking that I've always been really interested in psychology for a while and that there are a lot of careers in that field. And then I remembered how I wanted to be a lawyer for a few years. I wanted to be a District Attorney and put the criminals away. And then suddenly it hit me... the perfect career that interests me. A career in Criminal Psychology. It's the best of both worlds. Maybe I'll major in Psych and minor in criminal Justice... or double minor with c.j. and music. Have you seen law and order SVU? You know who B.D. Wong plays? Well that's what I want to do. Although obviously not exactly like tv... that would just be silly because we all know nothing is truly like it is on television.

Well that about concludes my blog for today. I guess I'll end it with this nice little random quote:
>>"Knowledge is a great gift, and the thirst to seek it even greater. Use what you know and your enemy will never defeat you. Head and heart. You are not made to give greater weight to one than the other. Your sword will flame, I promise you, and your crown will shine. But what you hold inside your head and your heart is true power." -Norah Roberts

Just Another Manic Monday...

I've wanted to sit down pretty much all last week and now this week to write a blog but everything had been SOOO busy. It's like my life goes from a lulling rhythm of quiet and relaxed routine to a deafening roar of running around with tons of things to do. Luckily though it wasn't a list of unejoyable things on my agenda. I worked at Alex's grandma's house helping paint, cleaning out the gutters, and cleaning out the basement. I finally made some money and in addition I had a lot of fun in the process. I keep laughing when I think of the ancient radio that we got to work and hearing it play ACDC... but I think it was a bit too much for the radio because we heard this "pop" sound and then it started smoking. Well.. either ACDC .. or the outlet was too strong. Also this week band camp rehearsals started and I've been seeing a lot of new faces in our ensemble... which serves as a constant reminder of how different this upcoming year is going to be.

Not all of my week was filled with chores like cleaning out the gutters or vacuuming though. I ended up going to a block party for a little while, unexpectedly, and then yesterday I went to the city. Zarra took me to go see the show RENT for my birthday and then we went out to dinner. The show was fantastic and I enjoyed it a lot. You know it's good when it makes you tear up a bit... why yes, I am a sap =P. I always enjoy going to the city. NYC is just so amazing. And just a little random tidbit: the song "Everyone's a little bit Racist" from the show Avenue Q is pretty funny. We listened to it on the radio on the way home... and the song itself is a little racist.. but some of it is also true.

Then TODAY I visited the Rose Hill Campus of Fordham University in the Bronx. It's in the "nice" part of the Bronx, near the Bronx Zoo and directly across the street for the Botanical Gardens. First we went to the information session and then afterwards we went on a tour of the campus. During the information session an admissions officer told us about the school.. and I swear when the "sticker price" was announced there was an audible gasp of shock reverberating through the room. Colleges are ridiculously expenssive these days. I can honestly say that Fordham wasn't exactly what I was expecting... but that it was also nice in that respect. I was expecting something a little more modern... but the lush green campus adorned with beautiful Gothic architecture and cobblestone paths was a pleasant surprise. It's hard to believe that a campus like that with all the trees, park-like atmosphere, and it's quietness can be right next door to the bustling city. And the city being close by is a definite asset to the college. The campus seems like an escape from the loud city... but with the option to go whenever you want if you choose to do so. The only thing I didn't like was the dorm room we saw. Our guide was saying that you can get into better dorms by applying for them and writing an essay.. but she brought us into one of the crappier dorms that don't require the essay and it was far from impressive. 1) It had no AC and it was hot as hell.. not to mention very stuffy. 2) The inside looked extremely dingy and even a bit dirty. and 3) The room itself was a triple and beyond tiny. The windows don't open and the entire dorm had a whole prison type feel to it. I wish we could have seen some of the other dorms. I also wish I could have taken a look at their athletic center.

Overall I thought the college was nice. Given, I wasn't in complete awe of it but I would consider going there. What I'm really looking foward to is going to Boston though and visiting Northeastern University (which I hope is as nice as it sounds on paper). I can't wait to visit more colleges so that I have something to compare to. Wow, I can't believe I wrote a normal blog with no deeper meaning =D .. I feel proud. Oh well, I guess I'll end this one by saying this: Operation First College Visit= Successful.

Cat's Leave Pawprints on Your Heart

"Over this past weekend two vicious pit-bull dogs, licensed and taged by Brookhaven Town, were roaming the neighborhood unleashed. On Saturday, they attacked and killed a Manor Park residents pet cat. ' Cosmo' was on his own property and was viciously attacked by the two roaming dogs. The Suffolk County Police and Brookhaven Code Enforcement arrived quickly to take the dogs into custody and secured them at the Town Shelter. Sadly, for the D'Amico family their actions came too late to prevent tradegy.

This episode has brought to light an apparent loophole in the Town Animal Control Laws that we feel needs immediate attention. Because the Pit Bulls were legally licensed, the town could not hold them for merely 'killing' a beloved pet. Instead the owners of "Cosmo" must now file a legal action against the owners of the Pit Bulls. On Tuesday, the Town Shelter released the two Pit Bulls to their legal owners, and they are now back in Manor Park!

BEWARE

The D'amico family was assisted by Shelter staff, but has been severely traumized by this horror. 'Cosmo' was torn to pieces by these animals, yet the law requires the D'Amico family to now file a District court 121 action against the owners of the dogs. Although, the Town has a 'one bite' rule for dogs that bite humans, no such rule exists for the licensed, unleashed, roaming aminals that attack other animals.

This is the second roaming Pit Bull problem we have experienced in Manor Park in just the last few weeks. We intend to ask the town to modify its rules to keep animals charged with fatally attacking other animals or pets in shelter custody until the conclusion of a 121 action. We feel that present rules that actually permit these animals to be returned to our community, puts our community at serious risk of yet another incident. We think the more prudent course is to hold the animals and let the owners prove the animal poses no further risk to the area. Let us know what you think, and meanwhile keep your pets safe and sound."
--> Manor Park Civic Association

Free Bird

When I was outside in my back yard watching the puppy for a bit and being incredibly bored because I was grounded, I found a beautiful blue jay feather. Half of it darkens from charcoal grey to black, while the other half is a mix of light blue and dark blue with black stripes. The very tip of the feather is white. So while Simon (the puppy) romped around the yard for awhile, I sat down on the patio, twirled the feather between my fingers and thought about everything...

Human parenting is a lot similar to avian parenting. The adults nurture and care for their young; building a home/shelter and providing for them. Birds and humans alike show love for their offspring and show them good habits... like brushing their teeth of preening their feathers. They help their offspring grow, protecting them from predators and threats along the way. Every now and then you can look outside and see a large bird colony protecting its young in a shrieking, angry flurry of beaks and feathers. It's the same with humans... just minus the beaks/feathers and add some loud yelling and a few crude hand gestures. Did you know that some species of birds, like Penguins and Flamingos, even have their own "day-care" system in order to look after their young while they gather food? Sounds a bit familiar.

However unlike birds, some humans have a problem with letting their offspring go off on their own. Once young birds reach a certain maturity level, their parents shoo them out of the nest in order for the young ones to fly. The parents still look after them and still show affection, but at a distance. For instance, Blue Jays... they will attack anything they see as a threat (like my cats), yet still leave the offspring independent.

Some human parents refuse, or have trouble doing this. This is especially common with their teenagers who plan on heading off to college. Then it comes down to the will of the kid; who decides that it's time to leave the nest (figuratively) and focus on their future. This bird cannot be caged... she needs to spread her wings and fly.....

Semi-charmed Life

I honestly don't know why I'm up writing this late and not sleeping like I should be, but my body is going to hate me in the morning. Not only because of the getting up part... but because of the running part. I finally decided to get up off my lazy butt and be health conscious again. I'll admit the laziness was nice... but it's time to get into running mode again, and I'm already sore (eww). Another thing I've decided is that I'm going to quit starting to read books that don't really catch my interest in the first place. It's getting to be a bad habit. I pick up a book just for the hell of it and then I never finish it. So today I took a little trip to the library and to my disappointment they didn't have many book by Terry Goodkind. Looking for other options I head towards the back wall of the library and turn to go to the next row of shelves... when something caught my eye. Out of the corner of my eye I saw the author "Mercedes Lackey" on a shelf lining the entire back wall. I had been looking for that author previously and couldnt find her but there were close to thirty book written by her. Then I realized that the ENTIRE back wall was all of the fantasy/sci-fi genre. I have been going to that library for YEARS and I have never realized what those shelves had on them. It was like I discovered a hidden treasure trove. It made my day =] ... and yes, I am a nerd =P.

Lately I've been listening to a lot of the old female fronted bands and artists. A lot of Pat Benatar, Heart, the Pretenders... you know. They are just so awesome and their work has made such a breakthrough for women. Their work has helped form a new image for women... one of independence and power. What I love about them is they show that they are talented, that they are powerful, that they can be independent, and they can be feminine all at the same time. Their music is liberating... they rock (especially P.B.). From listening to them, and also a musically talented group of friends that are in a band, I have been inspired. I want to start a band when I'm in college and I want to do the vocals. And in college you have the freedom to do that sort of thing, not to mention talented people to do it with. So that's a new inspiration of mine... I can see it now. The microphones, and the drumset, and a Fender Stratocaster (<3) *sigh* ... one day.

Yesterday I dedicated most of my day to the ongoing college search. Figured it wasn't going to get a move-on by itself. So I sat at the computer and looked at the different aspects of a bunch of colleges. The academics, the location, the music ensembles, the athletics, the tuition, scholarships..... It takes awhile and it's very tedious but I actually found a few colleges that I really like. Now I just have to plan some college visits and keep looking around. So much weight is put on choosing a college and finding the right one. It just takes a bit of time to find one where we will be happy and to find one that meets our expectations. People (whether they are relatives or friends) keep asking me "Where are you going? What do you want to do with your life?" And although those questions can seem somewhat oppressive at some times, they can be enlightening at others. I don't know where I want to go yet, but I have an idea. I don't know what I want to do.. but that's the beauty of it! The possibilities are endless... the freedom to choose whatever inspires you when the time comes. When I was looking at academic stuff and the majors offered I started thinking about different careers. And I saw that what we want changes as we ourselves change. I used to want to be a vet... but I discovered some things about myself since then that make me rethink that option. I'm thinking about careers in music, or songwriting, or broadcasting, or journalism, psychology. I think its about finding something that you love. Something that encompasses your talents and projects a part of yourself into your work. Just finding it can be the difficult part.

"Sometimes, when we lose ourselves in fear and despair, in routine and constancy, in hopelessness and tragedy, we can thank God for Bavarian sugar cookies. And, fortunately, when there aren't any cookies, we can still find reassurance in a familiar hand on our skin, or a kind and loving gesture, or subtle encouragement, or a loving embrace, or an offer of comfort, not to mention hospital gurneys and nose plugs, an uneaten Danish, soft-spoken secrets, and Fender Stratocasters, and maybe the occasional piece of fiction. And we must remember that all these things, the nuances, the anomalies, the subtleties, which we assume only accessorize our days, are effective for a much larger and nobler cause. They are here to save our lives. I know the idea seems strange, but I also know that it just so happens to be true."-Stranger than Fiction

Hanging by a Moment

I kept telling myself this past week that I was going to sit down and write a blog. I had all my ideas planned out on paper and everything. I guess I was just busy having a life.. so I could write about some of it here =P. I need a job because the "Jess-fund" is ever-so-rapidly declining.. so my search for one is ongoing. Hopefully I'll be going for an interview in a couple of days and then tomorrow I have to call Kohls. I can't believe that it's July already. Its seems as if summer has just started.. and yet, in some ways it's almost over. Although I have a plethora of things to write about now that I haven't written in awhile.. I'll only mention two of them:

1) Graduation. Graduation was on the 28th of June this year. I played flute for wind ensemble like every year. The ceremony was nice and I was pretty impressed with a speech or two. Unlike the previous graduations our school has had, this year graduation was outside on the football field instead of in the airconditioned auditorium. It was nice to not have limited seating.. but it was god awfully hot outside... not to mention I got scorched from sitting out there for band. I can only imagine how hot the poor graduates were under those gowns. Nevertheless is was nice to be able to see all of the seniors go up and get their diplomas. Graduation was the point where they all officially moved on... and it was also the day that it started to sink in for me. Junior year is finally over. I'm a SENIOR. How and when did that happen? When I walked into the band room before we went out to play, I saw so many new faces, and not the familiar ones that I have become so accustomed to. It came as a shock .. to not see those seniors talking and laughing with eachother.. putting together their instruments.. playing notes obnoxiously =P. And then I realized how different this upcoming year is going to be. Those seniors aren't coming back next year.. they are moving on to something bigger and better. And now we are the seniors. We're at the top of the school hierarchy. And in a year.. which will fly by faster than we can imagine... we will be standing right there in the seats of the seniors before us (though hopefully in the air-conditioned auditorium instead). In merely a year we will be heading off for college and leaving this all behind. A little overwhelming all in one day.

2) "No matter how long we exist, we have our memories. Points in time which time itself cannot erase. Suffering may distort my backward glances, but even to suffering, some memories will yield nothing of their beauty or their splendor. Rather they remain as hard as gems." -Anne Rice

Another thing I've been thinking about lately is memories... the memories I have, the memories I am making this summer, and all the memories to come in the future. And we will always have these memories to look back on... like a collection of colorful treasures, or a scrap-book, or a tattered old leatherbound book that you can come back to read every once in awhile. This precious collection of memories can almost be seen as the proof of our very existence...the reason we are here... for without our memories, who are we? Our experience and our memories make up the very fibers of the lives we live, and they are part of who we are... the people we become. In those memories, life as it once was is captured. You can see exactly how a person was in one specific point in time... how he winked at you or how her hair seemed to dance in the breeze. You can remember how you felt when you laughed so hard tears were streaming from your eyes or how you were smiling so much your cheeks started to hurt. You can remember how tired you were in that track workout or in those drawn-out pit band rehearsals. I'll always remember playing hockey down at the church... or listening to a trumpet player attempt to play Ironman in the beginning of wind ensemble... or just simply laying down on my bed and watching the Mets. I'll remember running in the rain for cross-country, getting soaked to the skin and covered in mud. I'll remember sitting in the back of my best friends gigantic pickup truck on the fourth of July, while listening to the Beatles and watching fireworks. I'll remember watching my boyfriends band play at some of the graduation parties and thinking how proud I was of him. I'll remember watching some of those graduated seniors gleefully burn the books and assignments they hated in hichschool in the glowing bonfire, and getting a hug from someone special while "Sweet Child O' Mine" played in the background and fireworks went off in the distance.