Favorite Spot

Right now I'm sitting on the top floor of the library at Hofstra. It's always so quiet and peaceful up here with just a few people working silently, absorbed in their own thoughts. It's funny, I woke up just a couple of hours ago and now I'm watching the sunset from right beside the window. Where on earth did the day go?

It really is beautiful here. I can see a few different towns just from sitting in one place, not to mention the New York cityscape in the distance. The sky fades from a bright blue to a pale green, yellow, orange, and into a deep red. The sun is a burning fiery orange orb directly in the center, illuminating everything before its imminent descent in the sky. I can see the city with its buildings; grey silhouettes cloaked in that rich burgundy so close to the horizon. There are a few clouds in the sky that seem to fan out around the sun and the sun's warm light glints off of some of the buildings.

I can see the turnpike and as I watch all of the cars come and go, I wonder about the people within those vehicles. They look so tiny from here but each of those little figures is a person. A complex person with their own agenda, living their own life, and having their own family. Each of those people has their own hopes, and dreams, and worries. I just find it so amazing how many of us there are.

How often do we really take notice of things like this? How often do we see the value of one human life and the activities one goes through everyday? Do we ever wonder who else sat at that red light on the turnpike? What they were thinking as they sat there? What their day was like? What they have experienced in their life?

Just an interesting thought. The sun is disappearing beneath the skyline. Almost gone now. And it's gone in a matter of minutes. It shows just how fleeting and evanescent time can be. I'm glad I was able to sit here and enjoy some of it today.

Soul-Searching

So its almost 1 in the morning and I'm sitting in the lounge of my building. Have you ever gotten to the point where you're so tired that you can't fall asleep? Yeah,well that's about where I am right now. And I'm going to be so mad at myself tomorrow for staying up writing.

I can't help thinking about certain things right now I guess. I can't help noticing other people pairing up, or how everyone seems to be plotting strategies to get with another person. There are so many people here... not to mention very attractive people that I don't blame anyone for this behavior. It's really tempting. But I'm kind of working on one relationship right now. And that's the relationship I have with myself.

Before you enter a relationship with someone else it's important to have a good self-relationship. You should know who you are and what you want. I feel like college is the place where you are supposed to learn to be youself; and how can you do that if you are latched onto another person? College is the place where you learn self-respect and choose the people you want to be around, regardless of social cliques. And while you are soul-searching and discovering the person you want to be you also find out what you like and don't like in others. I guess it's just a matter of living life without some of the restraints of a relationship and learning to be comfortable in your own skin despite that you are not with someone else. I think that when you are happy with yourself, it's only then that you can be happy with another person.

The World Wide Web

Right now I really should be working on my bio lab report... but gosh I'm just so darn lazy =P. This is what college does to you I guess. But as I was procrastinating before I stereotypically went on facebook and just started browsing around. Then I started thinking: It's kind of scary how much someone can know about you from the Internet! Last week someone I know said that "Twitter is a stalker's paradise." And I mean, facebook and myspace can be too, can't they?

Think about it. All of these pages ask you to "personalize" your page and add information. Just by looking at one page you can know if a person is single, their sexual preference, where they go to school, where they are from, their activities, interests, music preference, favorite TV shows, favorite movies, favorite books, quotes, contact information,where they have worked, and what they are currently doing. That's a lot of information!!! You can basically know the basics about a person without ever speaking a word to them(given the information is valid. Sure, it's your choice to post or not post this information; but so many people do.

Not to mention that you can pretty much find anyone through networking. The person you are looking for is bound to be friends with someone who is a friend of a friend who knows that guy that they talked to once. It's kind of funny how people from elementary school that you never thought you'd talk to again just randomly friend request you on facebook or myspace.

It's just amazing how many things you can find on the Internet. Someone can research your house and see how much it's worth, information about your career, etc. Have you ever tried to google your own name? I know when I google mine I eventually come across a bunch of cross-country and track related links. It says where I went to high school, what races I ran during track, and what all of my times were for official races. I just find it really strange to think that all of that info is out there available to anyone who wants to see it.

So what information about you is floating around the Internet?

Pop Culture (props to TB for inspiring me)

Pop culture is responsible for how disillusioned our society is. It is responsible for our warped way of looking at life and the world. And we are at fault for letting ourselves become so deluded by the notions pop-culture presents to us.

Pop culture is, at times, sickeningly optimistic and altogether unrealistic. Why? Because that's what the people want to see. They want adventure, perfection in looks, romance, and happy endings. Nobody wants to see anything as monotonous as "real life." Nobody wants to see average Joe Schmoe as the actor in the movie they are seeing.. they would prefer to see Gerard Butler or Megan Fox (if you are a guy reading this) or someone of equally dashing good looks. Heck, I'm guilty of it too.

But nobody wants to feel depressed by a sad ending, so even the sad endings have an "inspirational" theme. Pop culture, especially romantic comedy films, has turned into Disney for adults. Where the princess falls in love with the prince and they live happily ever after. And worst of all, pop culture has made us believe the possibility of this situation in our own lives. We are just foolish and hopeful enough to gobble this stuff up as fast as we can, like kids anxiously eating their Halloween candy. Its pleasurable at first, but eventually too much makes you feel sick to your stomach.

That's why our society is delusional. I don't meant to sound bitter or cynical, but it's true. From watching these films we obtain such high expectations and standards when it comes to the opposite sex. Usually the main characters of these movies have had some form of bad luck with romance in the past, and when they finally come across the person they will fall in love with, they "just know" that he or she is "the one."

So in turn we adopt this philosophy in our own lives. Just because a relationship seems so much better than other ones we have experienced we assume that this other person must be "the one." Therefore this famous "one" becomes a sort of mythical being. People constantly search for "the one" thinking about what they must be like, compiling checklists of the most sterling qualities they can think up, and in the end its like reading a resume when you date someone instead of seeing what the other person is actually like.

Furthermore, when it doesn't work out we are heartbroken. And the funny thing is... as heart-broken as we are, there is still that delusional hope that we will find that mystical "one," or some of us even continue to believe that the person who broke our hearts is still the "one" we are destined to be with. What ever happened to dating? To seeing what is out there before you make the leap into a relationship? How can people "just know" after a month or so of dating that this other person is the person that they want to spend the rest of their life with? Everything is centered around "fate" and "destiny" and perfect timing. Why?!

Why can't people take relationships for what they are? They are not the perfect, ideal, and altogether magical picture that pop culture paints and hands to us on a silver platter. Everything will not just fall into place. They have to be worked at, and sometimes even working on them wont fix it. Sometimes relationships work out, and sometimes they don't. Why must full grown adults be deluded by the possibility of a fairy-tale?

One Little Moment

Isn't it strange how one little moment can really make your day so much better? You can be having the most awful, stressful, horrible day and a chance event that takes just a couple of seconds can bring you such indescribable bliss that your entire day seems that much better.

I had one of those moments about fifteen minutes ago and it was what inspired this blog. I had been having an awful day. I had Biology lecture at nine o'clock this morning, followed by Chemistry. I've been having a really difficult time with Chemistry lately, so much that I was contemplating dropping out of the course mid-semester. I seriously considering it this morning when a friend of mine told me that in order to keep my scholarship there is a certain credit minimum that I wouldn't have if I dropped the class. The reason I want to drop chemistry in the first place is that it is lowering my GPA and I don't want to lose my scholarship.

After Chemistry I had an hour of Bio recitation. When the hour was up I decided that I just needed a few minutes to relax. So I walked across the academic side of campus until I came across this little courtyard with a field in the center of four lecture Halls. There were some people laying down in the middle of the field and I walked over to a secluded little spot beneath a tree. For those of you that go to Hofstra, it was the tree with the statue of the man reading beneath it. I sat on the side of the tree opposite of the statue and started working on a project.

However I got to thinking about things. I started to think about how as I was writing I must look like the mirror image of that famous statue and I also wondered how many students before me had sat under that very tree, probably thinking the same thing I was. I started wondering what they had been doing, what they were thinking, and what their lives could have been like. And yet, although their lives could have had no similarities to mine... I felt almost as though I was a part of something.

It was beautiful out. Sunny, warm, quiet and peaceful, with just a slight breeze that makes your hair tremble just a bit. Then the tiniest thing happened. As I was writing in my book, a lady bug landed on the sleeve of my shirt. It was so little and curious as it walked on my arm and eventually up to my hand. I just sat there and watched it. Ladybugs are said to be good luck, and maybe it was bringing me a little bit of luck during a pretty lousy day. Maybe it was the universe's way of saying "its okay, cheer up and smile a little." Then after a minute of too the lady bug spread its little wings and flew away into the breeze and went on with it's day.

Little moments like that make you appreciate how beautiful life can really be once you stop worrying about everything you need to get done or about how screwed you are for your next chemistry test. Little moments like that help you escape and to give you a sort of peace that you never imagined could happen from something so simple. I guess I was just very touched and inspired by my "little moment" today and just wanted to tell you this: If you are stressed and tired and having a miserable day that seems like it will never end, just set aside five or ten minutes for yourself. Breathe, relax, and just enjoy the moment and the peace of letting go for a second. You might have a special "little moment" too.

Facebook: Good or Bad?

We live in the day and age of networking sites such as facebook, myspace, and twitter. Personally I've had a facebook page for a few years now but I always toss up the question of whether facebook is a good thing or not. The majority of the people I know also have facebook pages and it seems to have become a craze in the last year or two. Facebook started off as just a networking site for college students to stay in touch after all, and now the users range from jr highschoolers to grandparents!

Facebook can be really great and useful. It allows us to stay in touch with our friends and family members. It also lets us keep in touch with those who have graduated and even help us meet new friends in college. Facebook "notes" can be used as a type of online blog and facebook can even be useful with its "events" and inviting your friends to a party or gathering. Not to mention that it provides us with a plethora of fun applications to amuse ourselves when we are terribly bored with nothing to do. Users can mess around with fun applications such as bumper stickers, flair, mafia wars, graffiti, the endless supply of facebook quizzes we all love... and much much more.

On each facebook profile there is an information section asking for your basic info, personal info, contact info, and education/work info. These are optional, however the general user will fill them in to personalize their profile. My question is: How much information is too much? Where do we draw the line? With this available information on the Internet a mere acquaintance can know your birthday, religious views, favorite music, favorite movies, email address, and who you're friends are with just the click of a mouse. Sometimes I think that too much information on facebook allows others to be too much into each others lives. It enables users to keep tabs on other peoples without them being awake of it. This is where "facebook stalking" begins. Think about it... you get into a huge fight with this catty girl in school and she is constantly checking your profile. Or you have a bad breakup and your ex took it horribly and is constantly seeing what you or up to.

The biggest problem with facebook though, in my opinion is the "statuses." Users can post what they are doing and it will show up on all their friends news feeds, enabling the person who is posting to give a newsflash of anything that happens in any minute of their lives. For example: "Samantha Jones is having the worst day of her life. why me?" Not only is it letting everyone know but its also just asking for attention.

However. the thing that irks me the most is relationship statuses on facebook. This is the only thing that truly links you to another person on facebook... which is fine if you want to be linked. If you enter a relationship and post it on facebook it shows up on all of your friends newsfeeds, letting everyone know (which is fine once again if you want it that way). Facebook dating etiquette has even developed now as a result of relationship status. The question of when to change your status either entering a relationship or ending one and how long you should wait. A plethora of problems can arise from this whether it comes down to family members finding out you're in a relationship before you can tell them or a bad breakup. It's not so bad when its the happy time of the beginning of a relationship however, what about the painful time of a breakup? Relationship status just invites people into your personal life and there is always that person that will respond to that "Name is no longer listed as "in a relationship" as fast as they can.. as if it is their personal duty to talk to you about it. They ask painful questions like "aww what happened, you seemed so happy?!" or respond as if someone has died in a terrible train wreck, showering you with sympathy when you would rather be left alone. Maybe some people are just asking for attention.

Anyway... facebook has its pros and cons so I figured I'd write about them. Its up to you to decide if you'd like. Enjoy your day everyone.

Perception is Everything

I was just looking at this blog and I realized that in 2008 I had written 46 blog entries... and this year I only wrote 7. That's pretty pathetic in comparison so I think I'll be cranking these out for the entire summer and college. Lucky you =] .. just kidding that sounded kind of conceited.. but really ;).

When I was thirteen or fourteen I remember being really confused about some problem in my life at the time and asking for my Dad's advice. He told me one thing: "Perception is everything." That phrase has stuck with me since then and whenever I have an issue I tell myself that. So I started reading a new book lately and its the first of a series. It's called "Wizard's First Rule" by Terry Goodkind. It's a fantasy/sci-fi type of book (surprise =P) and so far it is fantastic. I prefer reading about things that aren't realistic... because why should I read about the normal run-of-the-mill things when I can use my imagination and get lost in the magic of other worlds?

The main character's name is Richard Cypher and he's one of those characters that you really wish was real. I mean chivalrous, honest, strong, pure of heart and mind, kind, and ruggedly handsome (well...at least in my mind). What more could you ask for in a hero? But I'm gushing over a fictional character.. where was I? ...Right! I was reading along and I came across the quote "Reality isn't relevant. Perception is everything." So immediately a little mental red flag went up as I recognized the phrase.

Dad... have you been talking to Terry Goodkind?

Doubtful, but the phrase holds an abundance of truth and meaning nonetheless.

Perception really is everything. How you see a situation or how you see certain people really depends on your attitude and your willingness to keep an open mind. Keeping an open mind can enable you to see certain people in a different light, maybe in a way that you have never seen them before. While this can be a good thing... like getting to know someone you hadn't spoken to before and realizing they are an amazing person... it can at the same time be dangerous. Sometimes perception hinders you from seeing the truth. If you are seeing through someone else's point of view you are sometimes vulnerable to trickery and manipulation. You give them the power to make you see and believe what they want you to and not what you would normally believe in by your moral standards. How you perceive the world and people is vital to the type of life you lead. Perception is everything. That's what I learned this week.

My cat eats mice. Does that make him bad? I don't think so, and the cat doesn't think so, but I would bet the mice have a different opinion.

Time Warp

Hey there! There are so many things I have to write about here that I can't think of where to start. But here, I'll make a deal... if you are reading this I promise there will be a few entries coming soon. School is finally over and graduation is coming this weekend. I'll admit it: it feels a little strange that we're leaving (although I really can't wait to go to college baby! woohoo!). In a way I feel kind of weightless. Like I'm just floating along and this is going to be a fun, carefree summer with no worries. I hope that I'm right.

Right now I'm sitting here typing with my electric teal nail-polished fingers (yay) and I'm thinking about how strange time is. Not really the concept of what time is perse... but how it can seem to fly by and also pass on so slowly. The last week of school really just flew by... and before we knew what hit us, it was over. After all the preparations for prom (which was awesome by the way) and all the waiting, the night seemed to be over way too fast. Sometimes when you go on a date with someone and you're having a great time you just don't want it to end =]. Maybe this summer will fly by... but I intend on enjoying every second of it.

And then there are the times when everything seems to be happening so slow you could swear we were all put in slow-motion. Being a track runner you start to understand how long a minute is. An epic race can happen in 60 seconds with various steps, movements, cheering, thoughts, and emotions. And you start to realize how much can happen in a second or two. Or then there is that not-so-pleasant instance when you're at your job and time seems to be going so much slower than it actually is. I'll give you an example of work the other day at friendly's:
-I was standing there scooping ice cream and I had been there about an hour when I start playing a little game with myself. I thought "okay... when I think its been another hour I'll look at the clock again." *scoop, scoop, scoop, scoop* *whipped topping and a cherry* *scoop, scoop scoop* ... "okay its been about an hour, lets look at the clock.... 17 MINUTES?!?!?!" okay I'll look again when it gets dark outside" ... *when it's dark out* "three more hours!"

So time can go slow or fast but I suppose how you perceive it is the most important thing. Because really.. time is all we have here.

oh! and I sprained my wrist. How? ..... scooping ice cream

... yeah...laugh it up
=P

People and Trees

It has been awhile since I've last written and things are finally starting to slow down in my life. Fourth quarter of senior year in high school... where everyone just floats and waits until graduation. Where did it all go? There is less than 15 school days left and less than a week until prom. At first this year seemed to drag on, yet now it seems that our time here is running out. In my senior year I've started talking to a lot of people that I haven't normally talked to in the past. If you can get past the social barriers established in the past you can get to know some really great people that you haven't ever really gotten the chance to talk to before. What bothers me though is that sometimes other people live in the mindset of the past and still hold the judgement on people that they made years and years ago. So here's my little analogy:

In a way I think people are like trees. As a tree grows, new layers are added to the outside surface in order to widen the tree's girth and make it stronger. The tree grows thicker and taller over time, yet those layers beneath still exist.

From the time we are born to the time we die, we (humans) are ceaselessly changing. As we mature, new layers are added one after another, however we keep the core of who we are. It's right there, deep inside of us. And within these layers we hold our memories. The little girl who played on the swing-set, or the adolescent boy who had dreams of becoming a major league baseball player are still there.

If you were to look at a cross-section of a tree, you might see cracks and scars within its woody interior. Our layers bare our scars as well and they make us who we are, despite the fact that we may hide them well. Without these layers which hold our experiences and are the substance of our lives, we wouldn't be the people that we are today. Without a glimpse into the layers of other people, you can never really see someone for who they truly are.

So next time you look at someone and start to judge by what you merely see...look deeper. That person has a past just like you do. They have layers beneath that surface that you see on the exterior. And although some of those layers may be rough around the edges, nicked a little bit, or maybe even scarred... the core is all that matters. They could be a kind, considerate, amazing person. Knowing that and being able to know them is worth so much more than leaning towards superficial tendencies.

The Day of Love

Oh Valentine's Day *dramatic sigh* ... love is in the air, cupid is roaming the skies with his angelic wings and fateful arrows. Too bad it doesn't feel like it. Not to be a downer on the whole "day of love" but today feels like any other day of the year. I feel like Valentine's Day has become (or maybe always has been) such a commercial holiday. It's an excuse for the multi-million dollar corporations to make even more money. I've seen Valentine's commercials being advertised for months now and people go out and by chocolates and gifts and jewellery. It's not that I don't like the holiday or am bitter towards it (on the contrary i like seeing couples together on valentine's day) but I don't see why a day has to be dedicated to love. If you truly love someone you shouldn't need a day or an excuse to show someone that you love them or feel pressured to have a "valentine". If you truly love someone then everyday is Valentine's day.

Valentine's day can also be a depressing day for some people, whether they are single or far away from the people they love. Some people hate Valentine's day and feel lonely or unwanted. Just because you aren't part of a "couple" on one day of the year doesn't mean you should feel dejected or unhappy. You shouldn't have to be in love with someone else in order to be happy. First learn to love yourself, and then things fall into place eventually.

"So she had to satisfy herself with the idea of love-loving the loving of things whose existence she didn't care at all about. Love itself became the object of her love. She loved herself in love, she loved loving love, as love loves loving, and was able, in that way, to reconcile herself with a world that fell so short of what she would have hoped for. It was not the world that was the great and saving lie, but her willingness to make it beautiful and fair, to live a once-removed life, in a world once-removed from the one in which everyone else seemed to exist." -Jonathan Safran Foer

With the coming of Valentine's day it's hard for one not to think thoughts like "I wish I was in a relationship" or "what would I be doing right now if I had a boyfriend/girlfriend?" or "Why can't I have that and be happy?" This is just loving the idea of love.. not being in love itself. Days like today just make us want the reassurance of love, to know that someone loves us and that we are wanted and accepted. It's a form of self security. We don't want love itself, just the knowledge that it's there, like new batteries in the flashlight in the emergency kit in the hallway closet.

So if you are in a relationship: enjoy the day with your sweetie, but don't forget that you don't need a special day in order to show your feelings. And if you're single, take this "holiday" with a grain of salt and don't let it get you down. Think of the things you have in your life, the things you have accomplished, and be happy with who you are. There is no one else quite like you... you have your own mind, your own thoughts, and that gives you a freedom that no love is going to bring you. Be happy for who you are and who you will become and look forward to the future. You are truly unique and you don't need a significant other to remind you of that.

Humor Me

I couldn't find any inspiration or interesting topics to write a blog about lately until now. (As you probably know: I like to have a specific theme or idea to write about). I just finished the book "Everything is Illuminated" by Jonathan Safran Foer. I can honestly say that the quotation on the posterior cover of the book is true: This book truly is "BRILLIANT." It's quite possibly the best book I've ever read and I highly recommend reading it. Needless to say, you will probably see quotes from it peppered all over my blog and AIM profile in the near future.

"I used to think that humor was the only way to appreciate how wonderful and terrible the world is, to celebrate how big life is. You know what I mean? But now I think it's the opposite. Humor is a way of shrinking from that wonderful and terrible world."
-Jonathan Safran Foer

Humor is part of our everyday lives and it's hard to imagine a life without it. Life would seem pretty dull, wouldn't it? People go see comedians at comedy clubs to have a good time, tv shows like family guy are entirely comprised of humor, and humor is even seen at the dinner table when your little brother accidentally flings his mashed potatoes against the wall (... not that that happened or anything). We use humor to lighten the moment or break the ice during awkward situations. We laugh when we're nervous and laughter can also be seen as a way to bring people together. (Just a random thought: Ever watch a sitcom and at the "funny" part just listen to the background of the show? They always have a crowd laughing in the background... as if to tell us we can laugh now. Like we're so stupid that we can't decide for ourselves what is funny and what isn't.)

It is said that the only way to tell a sad story is with humor. In this sense I think that Jonathan Safran Foer is right with what he said. Humor tends to soften the blow of something incredibly tragic. It tends to make light of a situation or make things seem less serious than they actually are. In a way, it enables us to shrink away from the reality of the world. It can act as a tool to shield us from the dreadfulness of the world, but it can also act as a barricade... one that we choose to hide behind.

Many people hide behind their jokes and use humor to get by everyday. Some people are so unsatisfied with themselves that they make jokes about other people in order to feel better about themselves. If someone doesn't understand something, they may make fun of that which they don't understand. If someone is really upset.. they may try to make a joke about it or try to make it seem like they're fine. Then humor, we could say, acts as a form of denial.

I guess that's when sarcasm comes in. And there's a fine line between a healthy amount of sarcastic humor and people who are overly sarcastic. People who are overly sarcastic don't use their sarcasm in a joking/playful manner, but to project an attitude. They lash out at other people with their sarcasm and they can be very bitter people. Take the tv show character Dr. House for instance. Don't get me wrong, House is an incredibly funny character and I adore the show, but he is the prime example of sarcasm. He uses sarcastic jokes all the time, which periodically pisses off his coworkers, but he gets the job done. He, however, is a self-centered miserable person who lives in pain, has no real relationships, lives alone, pries into other people's lives, and has only his sarcasm to turn to in the end. He uses his sarcasm to shut out the world and everyone in it.

Have you ever gotten offended at one of your friends joking around with you? You know what I'm talking about. One of those .. "Oh you got a new haircut? I hope you didn't pay for that... Just kidding" remarks. Okay, well maybe that was a bad example but I'm sure you can think of something better that relates to you more. If it's just a joke than why do we get offended?? Answer: because there is a grain of truth inside of every joke. The problem is that instead of just coming out and saying the truth to someones face, people will just disguise it inside their humor. So I guess the point I was trying to make is that humor is good and bad. It can act as a needed cushion for tragedy but also as a form of cowardice and a way to shrink away from reality.

Growing Up

The dream that we are our fathers:

I walked to the Brod (river), without knowing why, and looked into my reflection in the water. I couldn't look away. What was the image that pulled me in after it? What was it that I loved? And then I recognized it. So simple. In the water I saw my father’s face, and that face saw the face of its father, and so on, and so on, reflecting backward to the beginning of time...

Sometime between the point when we are very young and helpless, when our parents do everything for us, and the point where we start to mature and become more independent, we come to realize that our parents are real people. They aren't just the caregivers whose lives revolve around our very existence and live to grant our every wish. They are real people who were young once too. They are just like us... people who grew up, got married, started a family, and are doing their best to get by in the world. How we act affects them and how their day is going. Every conversation, every smile, every argument. Of course they have changed throughout life and marriage and getting to know their children... but do you ever wonder what your parents were like before all of that?

How often do we really think about our parents lives before we came along? Or even our grandparents for that matter? What kind of household did they grow up in? Did their family have money or were they poor? Were their parents unforgivingly strict? Did they live in a time of abusive households? Did they act silly as kids? What kind of music did they listen to? What kind of things did they like to do? Did they play sports, play an instrument, work because they didn't have a choice? Who did your mom date before she met your dad? What kind of girls did your dad like before he met your mom? What were they like? Did they ever fall in love before meeting their spouse. How did they react to their first breakup? Why do your parents act the way they do sometimes? What in their past made them the way they are?

It's really an interesting thing to think about. And as we grow up even more its odd to think that someday we will be parents and in the same position that our parents are in now. Will we be like our parents? Will we follow their example or will we choose to act differently because of their behavior?

We, or at least I feel like we are, growing up so fast. Half the school year is already over and at the end of this year we'll be going to college. Even our siblings are growing up. My brother was in his first relationship and its scary to think that in a few years he will be in high school. He'll be an older teenager who is taller and more mature and I wonder about the person he will become while I'm away at college. I still wonder about the person I'll become while I'm away at college.

Good Question

A friend of mine asked me this question and asked me to answer at my leisure. When I wrote back I decided that I really liked the topic and really started thinking about it. So he inspired me to write this blog I suppose:

Question: "Should one live their life always looking ahead while they stumble on roots and stones along the way, or should they keep their eyes to the ground so as not to trip, yet never to see the world that passes them by?"

I don't really think it's one or the other really. Of course looking ahead at the future and the world is important and at one point or another you are bound to stumble a little on the way. If you don't look ahead of you, how can you move foward, right? There would be no way to prepare for the future or plan to achieve your dreams. However it is also important to glance at the ground every once in awhile. If you're somewhat cautious you can avoid a lot of terrible mistakes and maybe even some minor bumps and bruises. Would you rather look so far ahead that you miss a crack in the sidewalk and fall flat on your face? Who knows... every once in a while you may find something or someone great right there on the ground (or right in front of you). It's like stopping to smell the flowers during a busy day. I think sometimes the good things in life are right in front of you.. not in the world that you learn about and travel so avidly. So as the answer to this question... One can't be either staring intently on the ground or gazing forever into the stars. I think there should be a happy medium between the two. Look towards the future, enjoy the world around you; but also be careful where you step and take notice of what's right in front of you.

Random Ramblings

Don't you just love when you're eating starbursts and the last one in the pack turns out to be red? Well.. I do. The red ones are the best, and the pinks are pretty good too. This week has been so busy/stressful and I'm so glad that I'm actually getting some time to sit down and relax (although I have a decent amount of hw to do later). At the beginning of the week our anatomy class took a field trip to the bodies exhibit which was really cool. It wasn't really what I was expecting. I guess I had imagined the bodies behind glass cases in some kind of pressurized chamber or something, but in reality they were just right out there in the open where you could literally reach out and touch them. It's really amazing how they can preserve the bodies like that and the most fascinating part for me was the fetus room. I know the concept really bothers some people, but I think its amazing to physically see how a baby develops on such a short amount of time. How another life can grow inside a woman like that in such a short amount of time when you really think about it. Incredible.

Anyway, yesterday our track team spent the majority of the day in the city at the Armory. Like always, I enjoyed going but it's kind of sad that the trip was probably my last time. I guess I'll continue recapping my week since I've started anyway. Friday night was senior night and they had the ceremony where they announced all the senior athletes. Oddly enough I still don't feel like a senior (yesterday some girl at the armory thought I was a sophomore haha). But the ceremony was nice and I got a box of candy to eat, including those starbursts I was talking about before. Also a few of our ESM alumni showed up at the school so it was nice to see them too =]

Okay and for my last random rambling here: Lately I've been so confused about people and how they act or what they want. I don't really want to go into details about it but lately it's been making me feel a bit out of place. I'm not sure if I should approach certain people in school or just back off completely. I don't know if they are acting the way they do because of something I did or if they feel differently all of a sudden. I don't know if they are tired or shy.. or both. I don't even know if I should be getting myself into anything at all really. I don't like feeling ignored or awkward. But what I don't like even more is when other people get involved in my personal life. Whether that person brings me into their arguments or likes to tell me who is "good for me" or that i can "do better." My personal life is my business thank you very much. I can deal with my own problems if I encounter any and I don't need other people constantly bringing it up. I don't want to hear what other people "think I should do." I choose who I want and how I act because it's my life and my business, not anyone else's.

A New Year

It is New Year's Eve and I've decided to start 2009 off with a fresh new entry (and a fresh new layout). I can't believe that it's New Years already and the time is finally starting to move so fast. I'm pretty much staying home for the day with my family but to be honest I was hoping to see someone today =]. When I woke up this morning and looked out the window there was a full-blown blizzard going on outside and its still the same way right now. First thing I thought was: Yessss! I don't have track! Second thing was: awww the boys do! I don't really remember ever having snow on New Years Eve before but it looks pretty outside. Pretty and nice.. except for the fact that it kills my already impossibly slim chance of going anywhere tonight. Oh well.

This I suppose is the end of one year writing here on blogger. Before I wrote this I looked back at the first entry I wrote and laughed at my frustration at the time. Things change so much. I remember when I used to use xanga.com as my journal site I used to always make new years resolutions. So I'm going to do that now:
1. Graduate
2. Choose the right college
3. Have as much fun as possible during the summer
4. Enjoy the rest of High School
5. Keep in touch with the people who are important to me
6. Keep Running
7. Not get too homesick
8. Stay focused
... oh duh! 9. write on blogger more (like I always say I should)


-So what does the coming of a New Year mean to you? Does it mean starting over? A clean slate? New opportunities? Setting goals? Moving into the future? I think it's all of those things having to do with looking forward to the new year. But I also think the coming of a new year means remembering the past year... both the good and bad. Remembering all the hard work you put into school or the nights you stayed up ridiculously late getting homework done. Remembering going to prom or an awesome trip to Disney. Remembering a wedding, a birth, or even a death of a family member. The good times you had with your friends or the hours spent on the phone talking about all things imaginable. The best track race of your life or your last hockey game ever. Finding out that you're going to be an aunt or discovering the death of a beloved pet. Spending hours upon end in a dark hole next to the stage playing an instrument until not only the cast, but also the entire pit band, knew the lyrics to all the songs. Starting new relationships or going through a break up. Taking the terrible SAT's and AP tests... then remembering how it felt when they were all over. Dealing with your parents while learning how to drive and spending your time sleeping in drivers ed lecture class. Finally taking your drivers test in the pouring rain...and actually getting your license! Stupid fights that we can look back on and laugh (like over a stick). Spending the entire day after prom in the music office. Watching good friends of your graduate and feeling sad that they are leaving, but also proud, and wishing them the best in college. Growing and maturing as a person. Learning how to love. So for all the laughs, the tears, and the smiles... here's to remembering 2008 and moving into 2009!

Happy New Year <3