Midnight Musings

It's late and I should really be sleeping right now. I have to get up early for cross country in the morning... but at least my soreness has passed for now. This one stubborn curl keeps falling in my face. I guess I'll stop my nonsensical rambling and get to the reason why I'm here right now. I need to get this off my chest:

Why do we fall in love? What determines who we fall in love with? I mean, you can find this really nice person with all the attributes you seek, yet you may not love them at all. What makes us "click" with only certain people? And do we have a choice in the matter? Somewhere in our brains, our minds subconsciously decide whether we love someone or not. I'm not much of a believer in destiny... but what is another explanation? I always hear people say "if it was meant to be, then it will work out." I always wonder if that's valid. I also want to know why I always seem to fall in love with the people I can't be with. Whether I've loved the person for eleven years... or six months...it seems like it's always impossible to be with the people I love. Maybe it's not meant to be, or things will work out later? Or maybe I'm missing something I should be doing now. All I know is that my heart races whenever an IM pops up... or I look up into their eyes and wonder why they look like they're holding back from saying something. And I feel like I've lost something when I know that they are leaving.. or have already gone. Whatever it is that determines who we love doesn't fold under the pressure of being appart, or not talking as often, or only seeing each other once a week. It makes me wonder if we are just puppets under some kind of love spell... loving consistently and unconditionally... or if we have a choice over our own feelings. Maybe with those people you can't be with but have always loved, it's worth the wait. Or maybe its just a waste of hope and time. I guess I'll never know.